I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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