Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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