worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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