I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
