Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
All the doctor said was why
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Two words: nipple clamps
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