he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
