Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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