he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
