Got a toothbrush?
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
