We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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