all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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