just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
