Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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