i think my tv is drunk
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
