Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize