Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
