Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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