were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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