shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize