cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
