Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
