Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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