I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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