She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
