he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
