I'm going to jail i love you
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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