I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
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