and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
