Define "chronic" masturbator.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
