I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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