your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
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