just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Randomize
