OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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