My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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