I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize