so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
