Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
