I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
