No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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