I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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