hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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