There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
