Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
So much Jack, so little girl.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
