he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
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He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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