I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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