So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
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he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
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I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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