Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
