I just made out with a guy for $7.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
