you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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