I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I forgot how hot balto sounded
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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