It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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