mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
