Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Randomize
