1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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