They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
