I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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