Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
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