Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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