I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Randomize
