And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
