Walk of Shame. In a state park.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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