Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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