i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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