Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
