Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
