I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
