you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
