i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
