Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
