You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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