did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
