Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
