Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
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It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have aggressive nipples.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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