Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
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I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
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If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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