My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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