Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
