Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
