I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
