Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
