her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
